A Dialogue With Life (Swaroop Agaskar)

With a sigh, I sat down in the only thing that seemed to have happened right to me through the day, my reserved window seat on the Deccan Queen. Another bad day as usual, I thought to myself as I leaned back and closed my eyes reminiscing over my day which was actually routine stuff. I was like most of us are, letting small things get to me acting like a brush , helping me paint a gloomy gray picture of my life. At that moment, the word Life to me was Hell misspelled. The wonder of science and technology, which has invaded onto my privacy and privilege of being alone, started ringing. In my acquaintance, on the other side of the line, I found great pleasure to express my displeasure about my day and life itself. I was like the man, who after confessing he had committed an act of adultery said to the priest, I am not a catholic, but then I had to tell someone." Life is bad", I whispered to myself aloud.

"Life is beautiful", the sweet voice had an underlying note of denial to my statement. In my chain of thoughts I knew two things. One, the Deccan Queen had glided off as usual, at its departure time of 5:10 , with people adjusting their wrist watches according to it. And secondly, the strikingly beautiful lady, who had slipped into my opposite seat. The words had come from her. The eyes, which I knew would have been the most pretty part of that face, sadly covered by Ray-Bans and to add to the misery with dark glasses.

"There is a movie by that name", I said
"Yes, by Roberto Beningini, I don't know if the name is right, but Italian for sure"
" Ya ya, The movie is beautiful"
"Has to be its about life and life is beautiful"
"Ya ya, it surely is beautiful, I can see it all around out of the window" mocking at the slums through which the train was passing.
"That's just because you've drawn a circle around you, you need to look beyond it"
"If my problems in the circle I have drawn, permit me to look beyond"
"If you were dying right now and there's nothing you could do, only that is a problem, rest is all a happening"
"You're quoting Sigmund Freud, I see you're into reading"
"So are you too, as I see"
"I used to read a lot, until some years"
"I used to read too, until some days" she laughed "why don't you now?"
"No time I guess, what about you"
"Lets say people who have the means don't have the time, and people who have time don't have the means"
I laughed, trying to fathom if the meaning of the sentence." Ya ya, Anyways life is bad"
You have said that twice, don't say it third time, or people may think u are conspiring against life"
"Why is that?" I mused
First time is a happenstance, second time is a coincidence, third time....."
".....its enemy action, Ian Fleming in Goldfinger". I said ,"You try to lead into traps"
"Yes I do, out of you and me, I am the more dangerous one, I am the female of the species. What do you do…. For a living , I mean?"

Mind games.... I thought.....lets test the spectrum of her reading habits
"Lets say I learned something which makes everyone who learns it think he is Howard Roark, at least one point of time"
"Well to it plain, in Aynn Rand's language you are an architect. Strange , that you would have ever thought of yourself as Howard Roark"
"Why?"
"For Howard Roark , Architecture was beautiful"
"So?"
"Also, for him, architecture was life"
I saw a smile telling me" Hey, look, the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea"
"Ya ya, For a moment years back I was Howard Roark, then I woke up and found. life is bad"
"I hope you don't play cricket?"
I said "I do, why?" taken aback from the sudden change in the topic
"Well, because you are bad in defence"
This time I smiled, realizing I was dealing with the rarest of the kind, a beauty who was witty.
"Ya ya, but I am bad in defense only when I don't see the ball coming, like just now"
"Then you have to learn to see with you're eyes closed."
"Like you do?"
"Yes something like that."
"You need to teach me then."
"I am still a novice, I need time to be a master enough to teach."
"Sometimes, time is at a premium ."
"Always in fact, not sometimes, time is premium, time is life itself"
"Ya ya, sometimes, you are scared if there is time enough for your wishes to be fulfilled"
"Well, what do you wish for right now?"
Uneasy with the direction in which this conversation was heading, I tried to be diplomatic.
"Right now, I wish you would take those glasses off, so I can see your eyes", I laughed.
"That I cannot permit myself, because I am afraid if I do that, you might fall in love"
"What?" I said aloud, almost shocked and amused at the statement.
"Fall in love with life I mean, silly, Oh my God, you jump to conclusions don't you?

I smiled.
"You don't smile a lot, do you?"
"Hey, I do"
"Well, it's a smile only when it reaches your eyes, I don't think yours does"
" Lets stop this Cat and Mouse game", I said finally.
"Ok, as you wish Mr. Mouse", laughter tinkled.
"Why in the world do you want to convince me that life is beautiful?"
" No no, I am not trying to convince you life is beautiful. Deep down in your heart, you always knew it is. I am not even worried , that you don't love life. It worries that you hate it."
"Frankly speaking, I have never seen a person so happy and so much in love with life as you are. I think, that's because life has always been good and easy for you. You haven't had a situation to understand that life can be bad. You have never been hit so hard by life so hard that you have blood in your mouth. You cant spit it out, for fear that all will see, and cant gulp it, because you know you will choke to death."

The dreaded smile was back.
"Why were you in Bombay?" she said.
Alarm bells rang, I noticed the sudden change of topic. Watch it, I thought, another trap.
"I said for work"
I knew I was walking straight into the trap but I couldn't help asking," Why were you in Bombay"
"Treatment"
I stepped over all lines of my defense, as I shot back" Treatment, what treatment?"
"Three months ago I had a freak car accident, I lost the man I loved in it and also my eyes. I cant see, I am blind now. The treatment is regarding that. I am so helpless, without my brother with me I cant even venture out of my house."
My heart skipped a beat, as now I noticed a little boy by her side, newspaper in hand and dozing.
I looked back at the lady, who seemed to be the happiest person I ever met in life as I realized the cause of seeing her image blurred were the tears gathering in my eyes.
"You still want me to take my glasses off?"
"No need for that, no need, I think I am starting to fall in life without you doing that"

I turned my attention to the view out of the window. The train was already out of Bombay, now running through the picturesque and beautiful Ghats of Khandala.
I dropped my head I my hand, my palm covering my eyes, " Life is beautiful, after all"
"Yayayaya", I heard her impersonating me.

- Swaroop (swaroop@agaskars.com)