Holy Smoke (Swaroop Agaskar)

The article is a fictional work; a figment of imagination and in no way means to depict a part of anyone's life including the authors. The views mentioned here are solely of the author and in no means an attempt to debate against whatever notions other people may have. Also it is not meant to disrespect anyone who falls under a certain category which this article may seem to point at.

The cold wind placed stingy kisses all over my face as I opened the windows. My eyes wandered all over the scene, looking for nothing. Looking for nothing, until it came to rest and focused right across the street on a boy of about eighteen. I just seemed to know where he was headed: the inconspicuous cigarette shop. All cigarette shops are inconspicuous except to people who fall under the category of smokers. I even knew the thoughts running through the kid's minds on that chilly evening of December. "What a day to smoke, in fact what a day for your first smoke". Right now, the call of the smoke was greater than the sanity of the bloke. Whatever resistance his guardian angel offered; was squashed by his persuasive and seemingly experienced colleague.

My clarity of the situation was not due to any sixth sense or an uncanny ability to see through situation, rather it was due to the "Been there, done that " factor. I lost the sight of the kid, for a moment, as a group of impeccably dressed corporate guys passed, each wielding the sticks which when ignited seemed to ignite the power in them. The kid had now reached his destination, looking around, fearful that amidst the sea of faces there would be a grain of a face, which could recognize him. But I knew he would get over this fear. Because experience has taught me, you need to be someone with a strong heart to start smoking, though the irony is that it's smoking that starts weakening the heart. I couldn't think of an amusing thought that he seemed to be applying in a certain corporate world, where I was at top brass level. "Never compare someone's start with anyone's end". Another thought.

I found my self transported back in years to my start of the journey. I did have a head-start over the kid. Though my first encounter came at an age that was ridiculous even to experiment with education let alone smoke inhalation. For the actual first drag, I had chosen a better setting, a classical monsoon day at the gateway of India. "Gateway" seemed apt, only question was a gateway to where?

I think Clint Eastwood first ignited that desire in me, nothing looked more suave then him rolling a light, biting the end off and igniting it with a match struck off his jeans. The one closed eye look when taking a drag seemed so manly. I also noted that he would pause for a light, either before being shot at or taking a shot. A smoke seemed more important then life and death itself. Years later, Bruce Willis seemed to carry on the tradition for me. But, it was Aamir khan who endorsed that this was not bad, in "Dil hai ke Manta Nahi".

I was a good learner, I quickly learnt to "in" the smoke, the traditional college "take a drag, sip the tea and let the smoke out" act. The smoke rings and also the ring bet which never failed - 10-15 rings one after another in one drag. But kindergarten was over quickly, and smoking soon became an extension of daily chores. Creativity and cigarette always went hand in hand. If you don't smoke, you are not a creative person and vice versa were the norm. The statutory warnings seemed like a laugh. Meetings, parties and get together were nothing with a cigarette. In fact, many a times it was the only bond I shared with people. The habit grew with me, as I grew in life. The brands too grew like my status.

For me, nothing absolutely nothing could go wrong, I seemed to drag in ideas with each inhalation, blow away worries with each exhalation. It was a remedy against worry.
A cure against insomnia. A great way to start a day. A means of relaxation. A thing, which laid to rest all worries. For me, Smoking was a way of life. Something that was a part of me. Something I could never part. In fact, what was the need to part? Years gradually etched it into being a part of my personality. Almost like, I smoke, so I am. In fact I must have unknowingly, encouraged quite a few to take up the habit and made them take the path, like the young boy was doing so right now.

My thoughts turned to the boy, who by now had taken the first step on a journey, which I knew. In fact, a journey, which perhaps he knew too. An Adventure, excitement and more words found in the dictionary to explain it. A lot of people knew the journey, But there was a difference between them and me: I knew where the journey ends.

I drew back the curtains, laid back on my bed as I reached for my unfinished novel by the beside. I opened the marked page and resumed reading. There wasnt anything much to do in the Lung Cancer Ward.

- Swaroop (swaroop@agaskars.com)